Condition: Like a mountain goat with a driver’s license

Have you ever wanted to conquer a mountain, survive a zombie apocalypse, or simply get groceries in the most badass way possible? Well, do I have the vehicle for you!

Meet the 2009 Jeep Wrangler Rubicon Unlimited – aka the off-road legend, the mud-slinging monster, the SUV that eats potholes for breakfast and still asks for seconds.

Features include:

4WD that laughs in the face of snow, mud, and your neighbor’s Prius

Enough room to fit your friends, dog, cooler, dreams, and bad decisions

Doors and roof technically optional (freedom comes standard)

Looks great covered in mud – better than you do

Stereo works great for blasting country, rock, or the Jurassic Park theme as you roll over curbs in the mall parking lot.

Warning: Driving this Jeep may cause spontaneous adventure, excessive Jeep waves from strangers, and an irresistible urge to say things like, “I could totally drive up that.”